Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
