It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
