When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
