Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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