maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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