alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
