Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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