I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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