Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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