so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
