giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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