ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
