So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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