So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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