i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
