You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
