Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
