There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
