The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm at about main and main street
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
