Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
