Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
