so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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