The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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