i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
