Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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