Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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