ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
