It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize