we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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