You can't special order awesome
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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