life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
wow bdsm is so cute
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