we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
