Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently you make a good broom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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