worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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