I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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