So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
