true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
