i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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