am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
