I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
