Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
