My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
