Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
