So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
