Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
