I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
