Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
