Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Boobs speak an international language.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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