he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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