At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize