you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
