Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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