Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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