just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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