yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you never un-have a 4some
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
