Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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