somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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