Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're a waste of cheezeits
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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