I can't breathe out the right side of my face
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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