how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
