Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
