we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
