Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
