that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Alive.
So much puke
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
