This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
