Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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