just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
