we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
