Kiss
Puke
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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