I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
