How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
