Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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