took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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