I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
