i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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