I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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