I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize