I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
