I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
