6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
