And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
