Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
