I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
