Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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