Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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