Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
