i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
