what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
