I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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