I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
