dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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