apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
