She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did I show you my penis last night?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize