Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
