I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
