life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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