dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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