i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
whose ass print is on the piano?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
