You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
