Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
