dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
