The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
