I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
