Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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