This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
