I just saw a hot homeless man
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
