U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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