Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
