Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
