If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
