I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
