in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
