Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
