im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
