i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
