So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
